No Place For A Coward

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq95/amanda1472/Z-2.jpg] It was time. Time for a change, for a decision to be made, and for more than just a single life to be disrupted. A quiet breath filled the mid afternoon sky, joining the atmosphere already pregnant and swollen with anticipation and eager to burst. The gentle thrum of nature muffled one simple factor: the shaking. She trembled like a leaf, as though it were an aging winter rather than a newly born spring. She fought to gain her composure, to control her body and still her quivering limbs as she placed each thickly padded paw before the other. Her eyes belied the nerves that squirmed within, her gaze steady and eerily calm. Unwavering as she held her head high, meeting the fresh waves of sunlight that filtered triumphantly through the tree tops. Stripes melded into undefinable spots as her spice speckled strands turned to copper threads in the dappled light, both aiding and hindering her as she attempted to keep to the shadows. What was she doing? She had spent the last eighteen months on her own, albeit not necessarily alone, and managed just fine. After all, she was alive, wasn't she? Why do this now? It wouldn't change anything -- the war wasn't going to stop just because she'd found some new place to loiter about. If anything, she was adding herself to the active ranks -- adding fuel to the fire. Didn't she want it to stop? No. She knew that just as easily and even more quickly than she knew she was a tiger. War was what she knew, and war knew her. They were well acquainted, the two, though she'd yet to lay a paw on another creature save to fill her stomach. Since leaving her father's small camp - since leaving her mother - she had run in a very tight circle: chasing and being chased by the war. Now, her circular prison had broken, become linear, and it was time to discover exactly what role she played: hunted or hunter? She had lived a solitary life, taking up with the smaller camps scattered here and there. Family units that had attempted to keep the semblance of 'family' apart from Pride and Tribe. But it never lasted... Tiger though she was, it was rather hard to integrate herself into a family that was not her own and an end that was not fit for her means. Since she had been old enough to walk, she had been taught what her mother's death would mean. Granted, that had hardly been enough to actually prepare her for the true impact of the situation -- what could every truly prepare her for the end of the world as she had known it? She had been taught, just like every other cub, that if it meant she would live to fight another day when she was old enough to do so, it was not a coward's victory to run away. Run, far and fast, until she found the one named Shaman. Chief of the Iferne Tribe; the central unit and driving force behind the tigers' strength. Young and lost in so many ways, she had fled blindly, forgetting already blurry and vague instructions until the city had become as much a maze as her young, terrified mind. She had not grown up in the city, and found the the stone walls oppressing, instinctually making her way back to the forests and relative safety as far as she was concerned... Word traveled quickly in the forests, carried on the backs of cardinal wings and snatched into shadows that blinked in and out before they'd even been named... she had taken her time, in a way, but it hadn't taken long at all before she'd found him, and her duty found her. And so, a year and a half later, she felt suddenly as though nothing had changed. As though she was once more the simpering cub lost in the woods without a trace of knowing where to go or who she was. Afraid of the possibilities, of the unknown, but worst of all, afraid of the very fear that she clutched so desperately to in place of her mother's warmth. Again, she released an unsteady breath, her steps quickening as the scents about her changed and wavered as she passed like some invisible wall. She inhaled deeply, the coldness in her stomach growing, spreading to sit more firmly in her chest. She ket going, eyes bright and head high, tail bowed expectantly as she passed the strongest of the markers. Her claws extended, such pressure applied to her feet as she pressed herself past the line and firmly into clearly charted territory with a new found confidence born of this small defiance as this was no place for cowards.

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[shaman.♥]

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[atrb=background,http://i52.tinypic.com/r2259v.png] The large tiger made his way through the dense forest easily. At first it had been hard, living without the humans to take care of him. But he had manned up and taken the challenge in stride. He had taken the challenge with courage, and learned quickly how to hunt and how to lead. Stella was the only reason they were still alive, because she remembered how to hunt from her short life in the wilds. Shaman took to hunting easily enough, but it was leading that was his real talent. A rough exterior might lead others to believe that he was a gruff and cruel leader, but that was hardly the case. Shaman was a kind and just leader, and if you didn't cross him you could expect him to give his life for you without a second thought. But lately Shaman had secluded himself even more, because his cub's betrayal had cut him deeply. Both of them treated him as if he was a monster for trying to kill the lions, neither of them seemed to understand that when they were babies he had almost died to protect them from the monsters. No. They were ungrateful traitors, and they weren't his children any more. He snarled lightly and lashed out at a nearby tree, bark flying in every direction. It hadn't happened long ago. Stella still cried about it. How could they hurt their poor little mother in such a way? The Chief took a deep breath and looked around. It was then that he realized where he was. Zunda. This was where he had found Zunda a year and a half ago. Zunda had watched his children grow up, she had helped raised them. He sighed. At least she was still around. He almost considered her one of his children, because he had found her at such a young age and she had been with him for long. She was more his child than either of them now. His nose twitched a bit as her scent entered it. He smiled lightly, and moved toward her. He reached her soon enough and sat down in front of her. The large male towered over her, but he only used his side to intimidate the traitors and the lions. Looking at him now, it was hard to believe that he was the blood thirsty leader of the Inferne Tribe. It was hard to believe that he had ripped lions and tigers alive apart and then laughed. No, the tiger sitting before the small tigress was a simple being. Calm. Perhaps a little hurt and angry at his wayward children, but nothing to be fearful of. "Hello Zunda, how have you been?"

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq95/amanda1472/Z-2.jpg] The memories washed over her, violently as crashing waves against a rocky shore, but like the waves, becoming a soothing ebb until Zunda could tuck them, once again, safely back into the darker corners of her mind. She was not ashamed of the life she had led. In fact, she could honestly say she was proud -- she had lived the way she had, faced her trials and come out victorious by most standards. No, she was not ashamed, but it wasn't exactly a comfortable time in her life, the memories rushing through her system leaving her short of breath and wide eyed before coming to grips with herself. She traveled a well worn path, sand-tipped toes falling on deeply trenched markers that told the times she'd been there before. This was nothing new; she could always be found here, patrolling the borders when she wasn't farther inland taking care of duties. The pride had suffered a great loss, though no physical death had been inflicted, and it had sent her reeling back. Another world shattered and disrupted when the royal daughters chose to turn their backs on their familial code. She turned, masking herself against a narrow tree, catching the tail end of her own atmospherical displacement. The scent was faint, but unexpected and fresh. Likely drawing near or having just passed through. She worried for Shaman, the great king having wheedled his way into her mind as a whole other bubble, much like her mother had, except not quite able to be the same, nor willing, but still a comfort. She completed the circuit, seating herself daintily, nonchalantly letting her body straddle the territorial line just as the very object of her thoughts emerged from the forest like the very shadows that enclosed him. She lifted her eyes to watch him, a wry smile in their chartreuse depths as he planted himself before her without so much as nod of his head. Vibrant eyes traveled slowly, watching him and gauging just what sort of mood she'd caught him in. The loss of his daughters, she knew, was not an easy burden to bear, but she was sure that he would carry on. He spoke, and she broke out into a true, albeit small, smile at the address, and glad to have caught him in a seemingly jovial mood. She wondered how many trees had suffered to have it so. " Shaman... You know, when I need to patrol these are the only borders I touch. I never venture to the north side -- you should go stir up excitement there and leave my trees alone! " She laughed, a light and lyrical note, saying it all in jest that failed to make her eyes glimmer. They were all his trees after all, and if it would keep him happy, he could have every last fiber of bark off of every last trunk. Turning her head away, she surveyed the path from which he had wandered, knowing it wasn't that simple. " Managing... I'm just trying to make sense of it all, even though I always manage better when there is nothing sensible. Fighting new and old, I just needed a breather... but, I suppose you know what I mean. How many trees did you ruin?"

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[shaman.♥]

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq95/amanda1472/2-s.jpg] The leader watched her silently, his purple eyes giving nothing away. He sat with a sort of regality. Shaman had not been born into the life of a leader by any means, but he had taken to it easily enough, a born leader. Shaman never had a problem telling others what to do, he never had a problem keeping his head.. In most situations. Admittedly, when he found out his cubs had left to join the Pariter clan he lost it. He couldn't help it. So many feelings had washed over his body at once. Rage, hurt, confusion. He couldn't even comfort Stella, in fact, he separated himself from the pride for two whole days, leaving Stella to lead them in her state of depression. It was something that Shaman was not proud of at all, it was something that he wished he could take back and undo. But he couldn't, so he tried not to dwell on it. It was one of his strengths, being able to mask his feelings and put them on the back burner. It was funny, though, how his strength was one of his greatest weaknesses. Whether he could admit it, or even really knew it or not, repressing everything was terrible for him. He found it very hard to express any emotion besides rage. He found it difficult to speak to his mate about it, something that was actually quite the big deal. He and Stella had been together for a long time, he loved her dearly, but he knew that it hurt her that he couldn't share things with her. He couldn't help it, honestly. If he could talk about things, she would know everything in this world about him. But he could not, so she knew very little. Albeit, she knew more than most. A soft chuckle resounded in his chest at her words. Of course she would know that his children leaving him still upset, she liked to lurk in the same places that he did, and therefore they ran into each other often. "Well, to answer your question little Zunda.. I'm not entirely sure." He offered her a soft grin, his pink tongue coming out from his mouth and licking his chops a bit. "I know what you mean; about the fighting. But the hard truth is no matter where you go, or what you do, there will be fighting. Fighting is a part of everyone's nature, fighting is nature. I want peace as much as the next feline.. But it seems that a compromise cannot be met." In a way he was lying, about wanting peace. Shaman had a blood lust that was hard to ignore, however, he did want a peaceful world to live in.

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq95/amanda1472/Z-2.jpg] Zunda was silent, even her trembling breaths standing still as the atmosphere become suddenly thicker. There were layers to her great leader, more so than she would ever dare to count, and countless more than she could even see, she was sure. Layers that made him hard to read, and harder to understand. So many were like that now, building walls to defend against the opposing realities. War was like that; starting out in simple circular pattern where everything stemmed from the same source, but morphing, mutating so that the source merely served as a jumping off point. Barely anyone really fought for the same cause any more -- it was all so steeped in self-interest. However, Zunda was no fool. She understood that self-interest was the foundation of survival. Rule or be ruled, kill or be killed. Her mother had been proof enough of that. She looked upon Shaman and all his many layers, as content as she was weary of the shadows lurking behind his deep violet eyes. She could find little fault in what he said, the truth ringing for what it was. There was fighting every where, just different faces, a different name and a different but similar goal. She had seen her fair share of it before Shaman had found her, wandering as she had. "But Shaman, if fighting is nature, and peace is dependent on the nature of those that seek it, how are we not already in a state of peace? " She was young, and unexposed to the greater philosophies of life, but this at least,made sense to her. Fighting made sense to her. It was what she knew, what she expected and understood. The greatest chaos would be when the fighting stopped, and that scared her more than she cared to admit.

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[shaman.♥]

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq95/amanda1472/2-s.jpg] He listened to her question calmly. Most tigers were scared to question him, scared to even talk to him, but not Zunda. Why would she be? He had practically raised her as his own cub, and no child that he knew of was scared of their parent. Well, his own flesh and blood cubs should be scared of him, but were they? If they knew him at all they would be. Shaman had closed his heart off to them, and in a battle he wouldn't hesitate to kill them. But Stella, he knew she would. He knew that she didn't have it in her kind heart to kill her own cubs. He knew she didn't have it in her heart to hate them like he liked to think he did. She wasn't capable to closing her heart off to them, and if they wanted to come home she would be first to beg him to allow them to stay. But would be able to? Could he? It was hard for Shaman to forgive someone who had betrayed him, blood or no blood. "I have no answer for such a question, m'dear." He answered calmly, "Quite honestly, I do not know. As hard as it is, life is easier if you just don't think about it." He laughed lightly at what he had just told her to do. He had told her to what he did, and put unpleasant or confusing thoughts to back of her heart and never worry about them again. It wasn't good advice, not really, but it worked. If she no longer wanted to be confused, she just didn't need to think about it. "But just not thinking about it isn't for everyone, Zunda. Perhaps you feel better when you try to make sense of it all. All I know is, that as long as the lions are around my family is not safe. Even if we never provoked them again, they want dominance as much as we do.. And so everyone had to be on guard. Maybe if we could sit around and talk it out, the fighting would stop.. But it doesn't seem like they are willing to do that, and I am not willing to risk my own safety or the safety of the tribe for wishful thinking." He shrugged and allowed his purple eyes to look up into the canopy of the trees. Shaman often wished that he had been born into the wild, but he knew that he would have never met Stella had he been.

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq95/amanda1472/Z-2.jpg] Zunda breathed more easily as she patiently gazed upon the great tiger before her. So like a father, Shaman was of two different worlds in her book - Shaman who created all the answers she would ever need, and the Shaman that apparently didn't know everything. The latter was a side of him she did not see often, and it was as unsettling as it was humbling. He was always so sure of himself, so calm and prepared to take the lead. She was too young yet to understand the extent of sacrifices made by leaders for their people... too young to understand that in many cases, it was all a lie for the greater good, and that they lied even to themselves to make the front more believable. Was it all really so simple as to simply not think? To never allow the thought, and thus the doubts, to take root? She would never doubt Shaman, not as her leader or as anything more to her, but she found it hard to believe in some ways. Such was the curiosity born of her naive youth. The part of her tainted by the life they led roared deep within, signaling its agreement to the older cat's logic. Thoughtless action became automatic, based strictly on survival. No sides, no pros or cons, life or death. Just survival. She couldn't find fault with that... she liked living very much indeed. ...It's not so much that I have to make sense of it all. I just have to be able to understand that there is no sense to be had... I don't mind the chaos; I actually find all the hustle and bustle of the confusion rather entertaining to be honest... but I have to realize that there's a reason for it -- which, without sounding like some rhyming raven, is because there is no reason. She laughed, a full-ringing laughter that shook the upper most leaves of the trees above them and sent deep-sleeping birds shooting from their nests. See, in my world, everything's all right as we're all crazy. It just has to be all of us, running around madly... when it's just a few or none at all, it gets boring and I never know what to do with myself then... When everyone else is crazy, I can fit right in. She gave her lightest grin, lopsided and lazy with a crook of her head as she edged to nudge her head beneath Shaman's much larger chin affectionately, mindful to keep the contact short lived before rising to feet. Even standing, she was no match for Shaman's great size, and it brought another little smile to her now much brighter face to realize how lucky she was to have him as her leader, mentor and protector. How he spoke the opposition only strengthened her belief in him, another hardened layer wrapped tightly around her heart. This was their way of life, not necessarily by choice, nor by sheer necessity, but that was all okay by her because it worked. Shaman was right: the lions were never going to stop until they ruled everything the humans had and hand not touched, and the tigers were never going to let that happen... as long as the two refused to see eye to eye, things were going to be crazy and on edge, but as long as she wasn't alone, that was just fine by her. She looked over her shoulder, watching Shaman silently for a moment as he gazed up at something she couldn't see high up in the trees. Be it by distraction or merely good company, she felt better, and the ever present need to move had come upon her. She would hunt, as it was her duty, and allow the Chief time alone before he realized that it was time he aught to find his way home. I should find Reveka and make dinner plans before it's too late... If I come across Stella?... She let the question trail off, allowing him to fill the gap however-if- he wanted to. Zunda liked it crazy, but she liked it when her important people were happy even more.

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[shaman.♥]

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq95/amanda1472/2-s.jpg] He looked upon the much smaller cat with wisdom in his eyes. He was so much older and wiser than she, but she had so much intelligence sparkling behind her young eyes. One of these days she would have her own cubs coming to her and asking her confusing questions. One of these days she would be scared to disappoint them by not knowing the answer. Hopefully, they wouldn't betray her like his own cubs had. No one could ever know true pain until their lost a child. Sure, they were technically dead.. But they were to him. He listened silently to what she had to say, watching as her eyes lit up, smiles graced her face, and her laughter lifted up to the canopy of the trees. He had to smile back at her. They joy of youth. He hoped she was taking advantage of it, because you were only young and innocent once. Shaman had never been innocent, he had never had a chance to play around just be a cub. No, the harsh and brutal reality of the world around him had been shoved on him the moment he was able to make coherent thoughts. Shaman had always known the cruelty of the world, and he responded to it by being cruel himself. Cold, quiet, cruel, and reserved, the tiger seldom let others in. Stella, his cubs, and the cub sitting before him were the only ones. Funny how half of them had already betrayed him. Before he had a chance to reply to her speech about how she was bored because things were crazy, she nuzzling under his chin. He purred softly for just a moment, rubbing his chin gently on the top of her head. Zunda. She was a lucky tiger, being able to see a side of him reserved only for his family. But in reality, she was his family. She pulled away from him, saying that she should find Reveka and round up some dinner. It was true. She questioned what she should do if she ran across Stella. "Tell her that if she needs me I'll be at the school relaxing, I've been rather stressed lately. I'll meet you all at the police station for dinner when the sun starts to set. Good luck my little huntress." All of this came out in a calm and comforting tone, something that he wasn't really famous for. No, most of the time Shaman's voice was harsh and demanding, but not now. He rose to all four paws, and stretched out his body, his butt high in the air while his front legs were completely straight, his claws kneading the earth in front of him. When he finished stretching, he turned and headed for the school, flicking his tail while he walked. OOC| I've been doing some research, and I can't seem to find a sure answer on whether or not big cats purr. And therefore, I've deiced Shaman does xD. Also, thread end?

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq95/amanda1472/Z-2.jpg] The faintest of smiles still lingered across Zunda's powdered maw, but the lights alive in her eyes burned just as brightly as before. She was lucky indeed, in more ways than even she was aware, and even luckier that she didn't overly mind being oblivious. A strain in her neck caused her to flinch slightly, but she did not move from her spot, attentive and patient as she awaited her orders. She simply nodded as he spoke, tucking the message to her queen securely into her mind, knowing it would please the distressed tigress to know that at least one part of her family was still going strong. She watched Shaman rise, fighting the urge to play as he assumed the position that all cubs knew so well, without realizing it was meant for flexing muscles not yet developed. She laughed at the thought of Shaman playing now; he had done so with her when she was quite young, and insecure in his presence or that of the tribe, and she had watched him play with his own flesh and blood...but know, it was all a little silly. Still, she chuckled, her cheeks warming as she watched him turn. She had her orders, and would have let him leave in silence, but the part of her that regarded him as a father, could not do what the subordinate ought to. " If losing a child hurts like losing a mother... I'm sorry Shaman." She spoke softly, afraid of showing this sign of weakness for what it was. When the royal cubs had departed, she had lost friends, and ties as close to siblings as she was ever going to get, but she knew that her only loss that could ever relate had been her mother. She watched him walk away, knowing in the end where to find him, and was grateful that despite expert hearing, might well choose to ignore her as she gave her parting words. " It hurts, but it will be okay." \\ haha, cool. I think the only big cat capable of purring is the Cougar, but there's nothing wrong with taking some creative liberties. I mean, we make them -talk- so what's a little purring every now and then? XD Also, thread end only if you want it to. I'm sorry, hadn't meant to cut it prematurely; bad wording on my part. \\

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[shaman.♥]

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq95/amanda1472/2-s.jpg] The tiger took steps at a medium pace, relaxed even. It was clear that he had nowhere important to be, that he was taking his time. His tail swayed from side to side lazily, and his jaws opened wide in a bit of a yawn. The voice of the younger cat entered his ears again, and he took three more steps, contemplating pretending that he simply did not hear her. But something inside him could not run the risk of hurting her feelings, and so he stopped. His muscles were rigid at the thought of having to talk about his feelings. It was clear that the relaxation he'd had moments earlier had evaporated from his being at a remarkable speed. His purple eyes blinked once, twice, three times.. And he offered her nothing. He said not a word as he stood there, wondering what to do. He couldn't just start walking again.. Well he could.. He was the chief he could do whatever he wanted.. But he knew that if he started walking again, she would no for sure that he was just ignoring her. Her young feminine voice bounced off the trees once again, telling him things that he already knew. The leader turn his head over his shoulder to look at her, his purple eyes cold and distant.. A guarding measure. Shaman never let others know what he was thinking, he didn't let them know what his weaknesses were if he could help it. His lips parted, and words spilled from them. The words were cold, deliberate, and sounded much different than the words that had spilled from his maw only moments before. "I have no children." Cold, reserved, dead. "They are dead to me. You are my only child." He turned away from her, and looked up into the canopy. What would she say to that? He was tempted to start walking again and just not hear what she said.. But his limbs were rigid, he could not move them. OOC| no worries! :3

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq95/amanda1472/Z-2.jpg] Tension filled the air as her words hung heavy between them, tension she could feel thickening with every breath, threatening to consume her. She reveled in it, only long enough to feel it consume her before allowing herself to be swallowed by the guilt that followed as she watched the true face of the one so dear to her show itself behind its gentle mask. She flinched inwardly as he regarded her, feeling the death that she was certain he inflicted on her, if only in his mind at the moment. She stood immobile as she watched him shut himself off from even her, unable to stop the shields from rising. This was Shaman. She sighed, sorry for what she done, but not for what she had said. He spoke, his words as hurtful as the coldness rolling from him in sheets, and she fought the childish tears pricking at the back of her eyes. It was nothing personal, even she knew that. This was Shaman. Nothing was personal. She watched him turn away from her, at least he still regarded her as family. Calling softly after him, as she herself turned to leave, Then, I hope to make you proud, Father...there was nothing more she could think to say, little though she knew how false the words would some day ring as she sought to succeed where the dead had failed.

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